Bleeding Hearts Always Run Dry.

Being human is such a chore. It’s hard work, and I’m not entirely sure I’m up to it.

As I am right now, I quite simply give too much of myself away. I’m what my acquaintances call a “bleeding heart”. Basically, the happiness, comfort and wellbeing of everyone around me comes before my own. That’s not how it always used to be. I used to have this little shell of my own. I didn’t let myself get too close to anyone, and I didn’t let anyone too close to me. I thought I was safe.

I was.

But now I’m trying so hard to be liked, to be seen as a nice person that it’s leaving me open to disappointment. I know inside that all this people are fickle. I’ve worked so hard on being liked by everyone, that I’ve sort of faded into the background. Or at least it feels that way. I dunno. I’m just sure that if I were to just disappear, I’d be forgotten very, very quickly.

I remember one time, I gave away an entire meal to the three friends with me in the cafeteria, simply because they asked. I lied and said I wasn’t hungry. That meal had cost me €15. I didn’t eat at all that day…Or the day after. These people abuse my kindness, my inability to assert myself or say no.

They’re bleeding me dry.

Fuck them all.